Trying to Stay Positive

I always try and remain positive on my blog mainly because a very long time ago a friend said that email and the internet are not places to be mean or nasty and I agree. I save being mean and nasty for when I'm tired and cranky and riding the elevator and I get pushed into the corner by someone who has plenty of room in front of them but that's another story (deep breath).

I love handmade stuff and love to buy from people that are creative and talented. I have bought pieces from Antifactory (more than once, ahem), Pretty Raccoon, Supayana, Boygirlparty, Veritas El Pulchra, Frecklewonder, Spicy Toast, The Vintage Doctor, Heather Joy, and Dying Breed to name a few. I love supporting independent crafters. More than 90% of these independent business owners are helpful and have great customer service - sending emails to confirm items are sent/received, etc. I have only had a few problems and most of them are resolved quickly but recently I tried to buy a necklace online from a young independent crafter and it has been an ABSOLUTE nightmare.

I bought and paid for the necklace on March 23. The seller was great about emailing at this point and seemed very helpful. Four weeks later nothing had arrived so I sent two or three emails to the seller's business email address and got no response. I finally left a comment on her livejournal and she responded apologizing and said that the necklace had never been sent. She had asked her boyfriend to do it, but he didn't send it because he couldn't work out how to fill in the little customs form on the package. I was totally nice and understanding and she was repentant saying that she'd thrown in another necklace for free. Awesome. I was so happy to finally hear from her and get things resolved. Two weeks after that exchange - NOTHING. No necklaces in the mail, so I start sending emails again. No response. Left two comments on her livejournal. No response. She has been sick but has had time to update her livejournal, attend a craft fair, update her flickr account. I also emailed another email address that she recently asked customers who had not received their products to respond to. No response. I'm so sad.

I won't mention who it is coz that's not nice. I finally lodged a paypal complaint last week and sent her another two emails saying that if she'd just respond and tell me when she sent the necklaces or when she will send them, then I'd withdraw the complaint and that even if I got the money back then I would repay her. NO response. I'm so tired of this and know I should just let it all go for the sake of my sanity but it truly bugs me. I've even considered calling her residence in the US, but I probably won't.

I haven't lost faith though in all of you crafty girls out there. I just wish that this one would respond to my emails. I'm beginning to feel like a stalker.

Comments

[empress]

I agree! She could at least be more honest with you and keep you posted as to what's going on. If she needs to actually make the necklace(s) then she should say so. I really hope the situation will work out somehow. Good luck.

[Andrea]

That sucks. I get your frustration. This year, I participated in my first internet mail swap thing. I put a lot of thought, effort and cash into sending a really fun package to my partner and mailed the thing off at considerable expense. The recipient was thrilled. But I have gotten precicely nothing from my partner. I have e-mailed the swap organizer but got no response and, of course, I don't know who was supposed to swap with me, so I can't contact them. Maybe I'm being silly and should have been prepared to wait many many months to get something in the mail, and maybe I will get something someday. Still, I can't help but feel kinda dissed and this has probably soured me on mail swaps for good... If you promise to mail something to someone, you just have to do it!

[Carrie]

That totally sucks. I've had ebay situations like that before...I always try to expect the best from people but sometimes that doesn't happen. I hope it works out!

[andrea]

That
s terrible. And blaming it on her boyfriend? Why doesn't she take full responsibility. If she doesn't want to send the necklaces, she should at least give you a refund.

[katie]

Hi! I just started reading your blog. I'm also a Brissie girl with a soft spot for Tokyo or "Tokes" as you like to call it. I used to live in Higashi Koganei!. Kichijouji is a favourite place of mine, especially the park!. Sorry to hear that you didn't get your necklace! there are some rotten eggs out there!. Not sure if you got the comment I posted last week or so, but there used to be an ice-skateing rink in higashi yamato at the seibu big box. Just ask if you need directions. Keep up the good work!.

[Gina]

It is a manner of principle, not sanity. I would not give up. You are not stalking; you are within your rights as a customer who is receiving terrible customer service. I wish you luck with this one.

[gleek]

oh god. how horrible! you know, i often think that if you have these sorts of experiences, you SHOULD post about them on your blog. if this had happened to me, i wouldn't want it to happen to other people. it's the same thing as posted negative feedback on ebay or writing a review on citysearch. people need to know! she's getting off easy. that's not the proper way to run a business.

BUT, i understand also not wanting to say something and just letting it drop. it's definitely putting you between a rock and a hard place.

i hope you DO get the necklaces!

[Mariko]

Hey, do you want me to call? I will, you know! Your situation kind of reminds me about a necklace I ordered online. It seemed to take forever, but it finally did come. Unfortunately, I was totally disappointed in the necklace! What looked cute and tiny online was rather chunky and ridiculous in real life! Anyway, I think you need to buy something else now to reverse the negative karma!

[amy in az & amyville]

That is so not cool, and hope you can get it resolved soon. As an indie crafter girl, it sucks when a few sour grapes ruin a customer's experience. Good Luck!

[freecia]

It makes me think that there should be a code online merchants must agree to before selling something. Somehow, I get the feeling that merchants are being purposefully ignorant and think that the "business stuff" will magically fall into place.

Meh, filling out a customs form isn't rocket science. I don't think you should feel like you're being mean. You're calling her on her irresponsible behavior and that's a community service and your entitlement as a customer. This isn't being judgmental, merely factual.

From my own perspective, if this starts to overwhelm my moods and bring negativity into my life, I'll lodge every complaint against her (to the fullest extent) in one fell swoop and then brush my hands. It isn't worth being unhappy over a single bad experience. You prompted her to resolve it amicably. Just do what it takes to clear your own conscience.

[freecia]

And I meant to say *some* merchants. I've had plenty of great online experiences and by no means expect a bad experience from anyhow. I'm always surprised when something like this comes up, too.

[Amy]

Ugh, how unfortunate. I totally understand people being a bit pokey with mailing things, but this is beyond the pale. I hope that you get the necklace and it isn't totally ruined for you, or at least you get your money back.

[Juls]

this is awful! If she can't deal with the customs issues, then she shouldn't try to sell outside the US. I think you are doing a service to others to let us know who she is so that we can know that we shop with her at our peril.

[dana]

Wow, that is a total bummer. She sounds pretty lame-o. And the excuse of her boyfriend not knowing how to fill out the customs form doesn't work for me. Those forms are super-duper easy to fill out. I really hope everything gets resolved for you soon.

[Sandra]

my experience with DIY-ers has been postive for the most part. I pretty much shop at the same places as you.

i have had one girl flake out on me, tho. I had bought a button from her. I think it cost me a dollar. Soon after I paid for it, she responded right away and said she was going to send it out at the end of the week, she swore. so i waited a couple of weeks and no button. kept emailing her and emailing her. no response. Finally, like three months later she write back telling me she's been going through some stuff lately. Fine, I totally know about going through "stuff". Happens to the best of us. Anyhoo, promises she's going to send it out ASAP. And yeah, to make long story short, i'm still buttonless. I know it's only a goddamn dollar but it's the principle of things, ya know? Just give me my effing dollar back if sending it out is way too much of a hassle for you, jeesh!

so yeah, going through bullcrap like this totally sucks. I feel for you. :) and you shouldn't feel bad about trying to still get in touch with her. I mean the chick pretty much stole your hard-earned money! GRRRRRR! >:(

[Becky]

As someone who sends things overseas ALL THE TIME, I can honestly say that it doesn't take me more than 1 minute to fill out a customs form. And even though I'm busy, whenever I sell things online I send them promptly, and if I'm unable to do it promptly I keep people posted. (To me promptly is within three business days. I feel guilty if I send them out in a week - which to me is the MAXIMUM time!)

Your feelings about this are founded, and you should not feel like a stalker. If anyone should feel lousy, it's her. Her behavior has been unacceptable and unprofessional. She has no business hawking her wares online! I'm glad that you've filed a complaint and I hope it all works out for you.

[AbsintheGirl]

Gah! When we women (and it's almost always women) are so "understanding" and so unwilling to "cause problems" for others who have wronged us in some way, we are not being "nice"--we are ENABLING this person to carry on with her bad behavior.

Think of it this way: what possible incentive does she have to stop conducting business in this way? Why should she stop ripping people off--taking their money and giving them nothing in return--when she pays absolutely no penalty? Since, presumably, most of her customers are women, she's able to rely on them being "nice" and "understanding" and--here's the kicker--GUILTY! Yes! GUILTY!

Why guilty? Because "nice" women don't want to cause trouble! This post can't even come out and state the obvious (I WAS RIPPED OFF BY A CON ARTIST!) because, I'm hypothesing, it would indicate a failure to be patient, a failure to be completely understanding and supportive: a failure to Be Nice.

No, you were nice. Unbelievably nice. Far too nice, in fact. I'm glad to see that you finally filed a complaint with PayPal--and the psychic cost to you is clear, and I do sympathise--but you need to take it another step: you need to post this grifter's name and website.

Let me put it to you this way: rewritting the situation a little bit, let's pretend that you told a friend that you were going to buy a necklace from the crafter in question. A few weeks later, you mention that the seller is dragging her heels. Your friend replies that she, too, had bought a necklace from that woman and had ultimately been ripped off.

"Why on earth didn't you tell me?" you ask. "Coz it's not nice," she replies. Honestly, would you accept this? Would you agree that her Nice Ethics oblige her to protect the reputation of the business at the expense of your time and money?

To widen the query a bit, what about the time and money of people who read this blog? What if they happen to come across this deadbeat's website and think about purchasing something? If they do, and they, too, are ripped off, how long do you think before they put two and two together and become a bit pissed off that you COULD have warned them, but decided that it wasn't "nice" to do so.

Guess what? The seller will think you're unbelievably nice as she laughs her way to the bank, but certain of your readers would think that you are Not Nice At All.

How do you square this circle?

Who most deserves your loyalty? The con artist, or the crafter community who should know about a bad apple in their midst?

[drh]

Wow...that's really unfortunate. Bad experiences like that can leave a sour taste in one's mouth that can cancel out numerous good experiences. As a consumer, you have every right to be persistent. Customs forms are not an excuse! A quick query to the post office could have had that form done in five minutes.

I hope she resolves the situation soon.